---

 

The question creeps up and you try to ignore it. 

 

Why do I do this? 

 

Why the travel, why the losses,, the missed school, hours of practice and the complaining girlfriend? 

 

Because the lure of living a paintball life is too potent, and the products of the road and the travel are memories forever. 

 

At tournaments, it feels like, for once, you actually get
to live as loud as you want. 

 

It's worth all the sacrifices, it's worth all the bullshit.

 

Because if you work hard enough a Sunday will roll around and you'll be in the huddle, screaming with your hand in, one among ten playing for the world title. 

 

And suddenly, all those clichés you ever heard make sense, and you are defined. 

 

You say it to yourself and it means everything. 

 

I am a paintball player, and this moment, right here, is my life.